DEAR READER: THE OLDEST MAN* SHUFFLE

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Dark Stranger, The Dream. That’s the book. I look at the book cover and shake my head at it cause the dude on it, supposedly representing the ‘dark stranger’ doesn’t look so dark to me. They put a full beard with long hair, brunette, and call that ‘dark.’ I feel offended. That does not say ‘dark’ to me. He just looks like a dude with long hair and a beard. Sometimes it’s really hard for me not to get all self-righteous about these romance book covers. Never liked them when I was a kid and I still don’t like them now. Well at least some of them. They are getting better, though.

Yes, I said “kid.” I started early reading the romances. Not cause I was alone in my room pinning away after some guy. No, I did that while I was at school where I can get a look at him. I enjoyed romance novels because they were emotional. I love the story of feelings. I was and still am all about the feels. Historical fiction started it all. They were emotional stories of immigrant families making their way to America to build a familial empire. While everyone else was watching Dynasty and Falcon’s Crest, I was reading my Danielle Steel, Johanna Lindsey, and some other author who wrote about European Jews coming to America.

I really loved those! I was hooked on the European Jews for a long time. Their stories of hardship then triumph fascinated me. The information in those books made me love history. I barely passed it in school. My teachers didn’t talk about it the way these books did. Perhaps I should have guided my teacher to teach it the way I was learning it from these books. How did I get here, talking about historical fiction?

Right! Romance books with funky covers.

I think they shouldn’t put people on them. Just have inanimate objects to represent whatever is going on in the book. Or, if it is a must to have a body on the cover, then do not show faces or bodies in cheesy positions. When I first started reading these books, I would compare the description of the characters inside to what was on the outside. What a horribly disappointing experience for my anal brain! My experience did not carry me away into fantasy land. I stayed stuck in “that’s not what he/she looks like on the cover” and “he/she doesn’t look like he/she would do that.” I kept flipping to the cover whenever the author would describe a facial expression during a scene.

I drove myself crazy!

I would spend over an hour at the library just picking out a book. There had to be a perfect balance between front cover, book synopsis, and thickness of the book and hard cover versus paperback.

Oh, I’m sorry. Didn’t I tell you about the stick I had up my mind’s ass? It’s called BORING! No Fun Fanny. It used to be the size and thickness of bamboo; now it’s been whittled down to a switch from a baby birch.

The transformation process has been and still is, The Oldest Man shuffle walk down a long path.

Extraction is still incomplete.

I’m getting there…

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*The Oldest Man is a Tim Conway character portrayal featured on The Carol Burnett Variety Show.

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8 thoughts on “DEAR READER: THE OLDEST MAN* SHUFFLE

    1. Didn’t know he was writing as well๐Ÿ˜„ Well obviously there was and still is (?) a large market for campy romance novel covers. I don’t knock the hustle; They don’t work for me. I try to look past them and not judge the book by its cover. I like your blog name. I smile when I read it๐Ÿ˜Š

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  1. I read nothing but romance novels, historical or contemporary, all throughout my teen years. I heard the covers are often lousy.

    That thing you say about the stick up your mind’s ass is hilarious. Haven’t heard anything like that. HAHA. Thanks for the laugh.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Personally, I’ve never read a so-called romance novel in my life, although I do like historical novels, some of which have romance in them to one degree or another. That said, I did enjoy reading this post.

    Liked by 1 person

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