I wrote this two years ago, and today, I’ve had to pull this out because I needed a reminder of who I am.
I wrote it as a result of an experience between another and I.
It now represents a response to the call of self-doubt.
My old story tells of be being one way consistently for most of my life until recent years.
I was unhappy because I was not grounded. There was no harmony between self as spiritual being and self as personality.
I was very unfamiliar with both parts of me due to my upbringing.
I grew up in a household where I was both parent and child. And with all the emotional burden I was carrying, I wasn’t allowed to say shit about it.
I had no support in experiencing that self-discovery phase which most of us pass through in our youth. Outside of the roles which I played for my mother and sister (it was just us three) I knew not who I was.
Fast forward through the death of my mom and estrangement of my relationship with my sister, I decided to take a spiritual journey to ‘know thyself.’
I am jubilant to say I am now who, within my many years of silence, I have always desired to be. Yet, there are moments when that which I thought to have gone through a complete wash cycle, is the need for one more run through.
Some experiences leave behind residue which a more concentrated cleaning formula is required.
What’s up with all the cleaning symbolism?
I think I may need to tend to that thigh-high bag of laundry!
I make no apologies for who and how I am.
You shouldn’t either.
Own up to your shit.
Are you offended, have hurt feelings, annoyed, disgusted by how I do me?
Those are your feelings, not mine.
So don’t put your faith in me catching them like some airborne disease, just because you want me to be where you are.
I’m happy and free.
You should try being that sometime.
Be responsible for you and your own.
Don’t be so involved with the next and what they’re doing unless you’re joining in.
The more you focus on you, the clearer you’ll become. If you don’t like what you see, then change it. Stop doing shit that doesn’t work for you.
So in conclusion, either join me in my happiness or leave me be. If you don’t understand my state of mind, then ask fucking questions instead of judging me.