AND GOD SAYS,”THIS IS WHAT”…

Yeah, so readers, you know that saying -not sure where it came from-, the one which goes, “Careful what you wish for cause you just might get it?”, well I got ‘it’.

Don’t know what the hell I wished for to get this particular ‘it’, but I got it last night.

Hard.

Life can be so sucky and so fucking annoying. Why? Because of the sucky and fucking annoying humans bumping around in it. I do include myself in this populous. I have made choices which definitely place me in such a demographic.

But this time,

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Somebody else decided to make a choice which rotated my wheel of fortune, causing it to stop on this doozy. Without getting into much detail (cause I don’t wanna-still pissed), what this person did made me very angry and very hurt. And without having any clue as to why I made the choices I made, and who I am now as a result, this person passed judgment and used it as arsenal.

That is something which  I.

Can’t.

Stand.

That shit hurt and made me want to kill a motherfucker.

(Pardon me. Still dealing with residuals)

So here I sit with you all, pondering on what the hell did I ask for and why is it showing up like this? Usually for me, when an experience comes in really abrasive, I feel it to be about something which was softly spoken to me several times and then ignored, which leads to the bullhorn.

But this doesn’t quite fit that vibration. I’m baffled. I’m not feeling patient enough to sit and meditate about it nor am I wanting to continue to spend brain power on it.

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Then why am I writing about it?

Not sure either.

I haven’t been writing as I have been desiring to. I’ve missed it.

I’ve been here experiencing my life transitions through tantrums and dances. All of which are very blog worthy but haven’t been in my ‘writing vibe’ to actually sit down and write about it. When I do feel some of the vibe, I would start and not finish:

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Maybe this experience is multipurpose.

The first one I feel is that it helped me to forget about my aesthetic blog issues (really, can someone help me to not have that author’s bio appear on every single post?) and write.

(Note: Update: I have taken care of the blog issues! Whoo-Hoo! )

The second one I feel is for me to continue to be aware of my emotions instead of shutting down from this experience. Writing about it is helping me to stay present and not be like Alice free-falling down that tripped out rabbit hole, my version being total darkness.

The third purpose I feel to be happening is for me to be reminded of who I really am. To be reminding of who I am is the reason why I took this particular journey this lifetime, and the reason for the lessons being what they are.

As I absorb what I have just written, yes, all three resonate and make sense for me.

Although I still don’t feel as though this particular experience had anything to do with my process or journey, I do appreciate the multitasking of its energy in the bringing about of my intuitive knowing, reminders of where I’ve been, who I am, how far I’ve come, and how very close I am to who I need and desire to be.

Well, on that note, thanks for being here as my RHAA(Rabbit Hole Addiction Anonymous) sponsor (gotta make sure I find me the nearest meeting once I’m done editing).

 

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