They visioned him to be this wild stud of a man who lived by his own rules and tried to force everyone to do so as well.
I bring him into this post not to say that I want to be a tyrannical little man who uses sex and power to fill his bottomless well of insecurities and paranoia, but merely as a dramatic face to what I just experienced.
Yes, I’ve had another “Oh Shit!” moment yet again in this wonderful life of mine.
The theme of this one is as it has always been. The difference now is that I am truly ready to kill that bitch.
Just as Mr. Myers’ portrayl of dear ‘ol Henry was filled with raw emotion, so was my response to a simple request from a friend.
In pure dramatic form, I panicked and washed myself in anxiety pushing out any chance for my intuition to say “I got this!”
What she proposed felt so “WHAT?!! You want me to do WHAT?!!” and by the time I came out of my emotions long enough to check in with my gut I, like Henry, was too deep into my crazed out shit to find my way back instantly.
So as you can see, it doesn’t take long for me to create a shit storm.
My emotions are liken to a dominatrix. They can do very bad things to me when I allow them to and at the same time, I receive great pleasure from them as well.
That’s because I have a very active brain.
My thought life is like…
Funny, I have yet to make it work the other way around. You know, create manna from heaven instead of a swarm of locus?
You would think with all this mindfulness and positive thinking manifestation that I do, I would be able to not do what I do.
Sigh. Alas, this is not the case.
Well, I did manage to calm down enough to settle my emotions and thoughts, leading to this conclusion:
I need to die.
That part of me which over reacts and goes into panic mode first, needs to die. I sincerely mean disintegrate like vampire ash type action.
Although my kids have allowed me to run free within the mommy farm (we only support cage-free parenting)
I’ve got long awaited blessings coming my way and it would be helpful for me to know how to manage all that stuff coming out of the cosmos warehouse.
I have to create harmonic tones between my intuition and my emotions, my spiritual and my physical.
If I don’t, I will then have to bring out my other alters to deal with the mess this one made.
Please, no drugs! Those things make me sane!