Today I received a call from my dad.
This was part two of a conversation we started some days ago about my decision to become more physically fit. I sent him full body pictures to give him an accurate scale of what my physique looks like.
I admit to being nervous as to what he was going to say. My past feelings of him were of heavy criticism and antiquated viewpoint.
Our relationship has changed significantly since my mother passed on from this life, and I have since learned him to be a man who has preferences just like any other.
Still…a bit of anxiety made my pits sweat.
As I listened to his analysis, I realized how much he was on point with his observations and suggestions. He spoke of exercises and eating habits which would be beneficial to me which, unknown to him, were already in progress.
We laughed and talked and laughed some more.
As I experienced him for the very first time yet again, I realized that this man knows me as I know me. We speak every so often yet have the closest bond.
For him, as he continually tells me, it is the other way around. I am like him.
We are like the word ‘DAD’.
What do they call those type of words? Palindromes.
Yup. You can flip us back and forth and will always see the same result.
I didn’t expect to be just like my dad for two reasons.
- 1) I didn’t know him growing up. He wasn’t around (long story and not all his doing).
- 2) I was my mom’s shadow. Whatever she did, I did. I didn’t self explore or wondered who I was because I was constantly being told that wasn’t for me to know. I was a child and that’s it.
I smile as I think of how loving and free my childhood and early adulthood would have been with him in my space. Although that wasn’t so, I smile now because I am experiencing it now.
Growing up, there was no empty space where he would or should have been. I didn’t have daddy issues. Truthfully I was very indifferent to his existence (thanks to mommy dearest). I knew of him, I knew he was still alive and where to reach him. I just didn’t care for him. I even felt as though he forced his way into my life after mommy died.
But that went away as soon as I spent a few hours with him. It was as though no time passed and we were the best of friends. Nice.
Fast forward to now.
My dad and I have a sometime parent and child relationship and sometime adult relationship. More the later than former.
I’ll get all daddy’s girl on him every now and again cause I know he gets a kick out of that. He’s sorry my development didn’t include such a relationship. So I allow him to indulge when I know he needs it.
For me, having that attention and admiration from a man feels good and I enjoy it. I am very grateful for the experience as it is happening through my dad and not some guy I’m trying to force a relationship with.
Notice I said trying and force.
No it doesn’t feel the same coming from my dad as it would a romantic partner, but the appreciation is there all the same. This helps me to be aware of what I desire to experience with a romantic partner in preparation for one.
Oh, did I mention that my dad is an ex-body builder?!
So I am getting the best advice plus, he is very aware of who I am because I am a female version of him.
Ready for this?!
My dad was a very active ladies man back in the day before he was with my mom(great love story by the way, until it wasn’t) and so he is very familiar with the female body and is very attentive to it.
Yes, Universe I would like to place my build-a-man order in for these dad-like specs, thank you.
Back to the body portion of this post.
The advice which the ex-body builder gave me was very motivating. I even followed through with some exercises he suggested right after we hung up. He helps me to feel very OK with how I look right now while encouraging me to fulfill my fitness goals.
I love my trainer.
I love my dad.
I love that they are one in the same.