DEAR READER: PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: SELF-HELP WANTED

Hello, Everyone.

I was in the middle of writing part 2 of my haunted house post when I paused to text a sister/friend who I have been guiding through an experience. It started and ended as a flow of downloaded wisdom from The Universe. It came through uninterrupted (she’s at work so she did not check her phone as it was being sent) as it was supposed to.

I share it here because I feel there to be those who are in need of it. I did not bother to edit it. Each word, as it is written, carries its own vibration and will resonate as is with those who are in need of them.

My other reason for sharing it here is because it is a representation of who I am and what I practice. My main occupation is keeping myself open, aligned, and connected with my inner being (spirit) for the betterment of self and the guidance of others.

∞∞∞∞∞

Do you know what it’s like to not be able to breathe, or have a pain so bad that you become delirious?
That feeling of grasping at any and every to help relieve you, to ease your discomfort, the desperate wanting for better…
That is how I feel these two to be right now. There are things which they are going through which no one knows about, probably more deep down which they are not aware of yet either.
I believe in the connection which we all share. I believe all experiences are for the purpose multiple journeys, not just one. There is a ripple effect for every choice which is made by every being. We all feel those waves at some point, be it instantly or at some point down the road.
I’m sharing this with you to give you a different perspective of what is happening here, what this escalation is about.
Remember that well-being is for all and is available and accessible for all. Each person will arrive at the receiving point when they are ready. And being ready is about being in the remembrance of worthiness at all times no matter what.
I’m sure there is more to add to this but for right now, the flow of the download has ebbed.😏

(My body is tweaking like an addict to edit this! I have resisted the urge, obviously, but now I must go organize something. Haha.)

DEAR READER: I DON’T WANT TO LIVE IN A HAUNTED HOUSE – PT.1

0ff7a4f4e9efb13b4bb3f1b2d51a2de7--haunted-houses-picture-quotesHopefully, I will be consistent with the ‘series’ aspect which I have now tagged these posts as suggested by the title. I despise not finishing what I start. Well, considering I have countless evidence of this habit, perhaps “despise” is too strong of a word; otherwise, I would have them all finished, right?

Yeah, I should work on my being a bit dramatic habit too.

Disclaimer time. Dear blog people, whenever you don’t find me here for quite some time, I am away in a far away land called, “Here’s Some More Shit I Bet You Didn’t Know About Yourself.” There is where I am getting my ass shown to me by way of a panoramic unbreakable plexiglass mirror( I’m sure you can figure out why it is unbreakable).

So like many of us who travel outside of our comfortable homes for more pleasurable outings, I come back with more packed in my luggage.

I have returned, as usual, bearing gifts of life lessons learned. These lessons are meant to lighten the burden of self. But since I dislike unpacking and will live out of a suitcase for however long it takes to empty it, I will sit in my shitty adult diaper of procrastination and non-acceptance until some, or all, of my cosmic(dead) friends and family, force me to get cleaned up.

I haven’t been home, here on WordPress, for a bit because my focus changed from writing to house hunting. I kept receiving Universal taps on the shoulder letting me know enough time had passed and that I needed to get down to business.

I do love a lazy raft ride on the stream of procrastination.

The process started off well, but then it took a turn. All these wonderful possibilities outside the scope of my own formulated thoughts started presenting themselves taking me on a high-speed flying carpet ride.

As a person practiced, obsessively, in the art of logic, reason, precision, and coloring inside the lines, this was very unsettling for me; although quite exciting to have new and shiny thoughts to consider, it caused me to wobble on my very taunt tight rope. I’ve calmed down over the years. Trust me.

So, as a result, my focus became more intense, and I sucked myself dry; I used all my reserves for this project. Now I am here ready to share some thoughts, some awarenesses which took this opportunity of house hunting to come out of the shadows.

I will try to share in doses. I was prepared to write all about it in this one post but thought better of it cause you all will probably not want to visit again. I try not to care too much but, I enjoy each and every one of you, and I value the time you take from yourselves to read and comment on my posts.

See you in the comments!

This theme reminded me of The Haunted House movie series. I had to end this post on a funny! This is the type of stupid and ridiculous humor that I enjoy. My life is just as silly when I get all dramatic about it.

Warning: The following movie is rated R.

DEAR READER: I’M ALL SHRINK-ED OUT

I will respond to your comments shortly. My mind and body needed a rest before posting my most recent post (it’s a meditation thing), and now, I will attend to you lovely people at my leisure. I am emotionally drained. I haven’t shared that part of my life in a very long time. I’ve been chipping away at it for some time now.

I’ve noticed that some of your comments are asking questions or, at least in my wordy mind, that will spark lengthy responses. So because I don’t always care to condense, I may respond with a post.

Thank you for your patience and support.

Yours Truly,

Tricia

P.S. I know that is not the name that you see. It is my government name. Haha! I will be changing my Public Display Name to Tricia. So fret not at having to type out that long monstrosity. I’m over it. Tee-Hee!!

DEAR READER: PILL

I know that the subject of mental health/well-being is one most people would rather not highlight, but in light of what has been happening lately, I felt it important to address.

Another famous person chose to end his life yesterday. While I do not have any fears associated with death, when I become aware that someone has left this world via suicide, it hurts. It hurts because suicide is, and this is the best way I can put words to this, such a my-back-is-against-the-wall-with-no-way-out type of mental anguish. A person who chooses suicide is unable to swim against the strong current of thought which has them exhausted with no more will or stamina to fight; this is what saddens me.

The pain and sense of great hopelessness make it extremely difficult to find air, to see light, to feel relief. When the numbing of drugs, no matter legally prescribed or not, lose their salve, the thoughts become liken to bacteria in a hot petri dish, multiplying rapidly.

[Side note: I’m listening to a random playlist from Amazon Music, and as I write this, Prince’s Purple Rain is in the background. My emotions are high, and I have to pause right now. Excuse me.]

Ok, I’m back; back to center.

I had to take a moment to feel. I have learned it is beneficial to embrace and acknowledge such feelings, not to suppress them.
Suppression is, I believe, what leads to the sense of hopelessness and lack of choice. There is always an inception point for these lower vibrational thoughts. It is usually at that time when the work needed for balance is overlooked or resisted.

After a certain age, for some, conditioning begins towards the non-acceptance of unhappy feelings. I believe, as soon as a child approaches puberty, usually the attitude towards the roller-coaster ride of emotions known as the teenage years, are met with sighs of exasperation. Those of us (this is not a generalization) who have survived, not lived but survived, through this evolution into the next, don’t feel to nurture these tender years as it causes much of their carefully planted sadness to resurface.

I too have gone through such turmoil and devastation of the mind. Several times I have attempted to release myself from this physical body. I am still here because my inner voice was way louder and had more endurance than the thoughts from my limited point of view at that time. My struggles came from always feeling an aching desire to have an awareness of self, to nurture what is inside of me.

I grew up in a household where my mother made it her business to tell me repeatedly that children are to be seen and not heard. She also supported that with not wanting to hear about my thoughts of sadness, confusion, or frustration from not being free to explore all I was receiving from within.

I ached for self-assurance.

My mother carried around young adulthood and childhood issues which were always at the surface in need of purging. But she only knew to cover them up in her cloak of fear based anger and co-dependency. She would dismiss me into submission of will to have me take on the role of confidant and counselor, nothing resembling her being the parent and I the child. I became her emotional support and caregiver until she died.

After her death, that is when I was jolted awake to the presence of myself. I was in a state of panic at not being able to articulate who I was or wanted to be. I crippled myself to point of resisting going on job interviews and answering questions about myself. I didn’t have the glue of being, whatever was needed, for everyone else (it wasn’t just my mom, it was my sister and friends as well) holding me together, so I fell apart.

Hard.

I knew what I needed to do for me, what it was to put me back together again but had no sight for it. I felt it strongly; it pulled at me. But I couldn’t see where to begin, what tools to use, nothing; I was groping around in the dark frustrated and mad as hell.

Through years of self-help, and the birth of two children, the path became clear and streamlined; I trusted the feeling more and the conditioning less.

For the sake of not going on and on with my story, I will return to why I started this post.
The Daily Prompt word ‘lollipop’ sparked all of this verbiage. I didn’t want to go the obvious route of talking about candy and phallic symbolism( I was so close to choosing the later. Heh-heh). Once I put that away, the word ‘pill’ popped out from ‘lollipop.’ I immediately thought of Pink!’s Just Like A Pill song.

I came here to blog my interpretation of that song and saw the news about the music artist who passed the night before. For me, that was a sign to write this post. Music and mental wellness brought both experiences together.

I will make this as brief as I can. As I am tired of writing, I am sure you are just as tired of reading, if you’ve gotten this far.

Just Like A Pill, on the surface, seems to be about a romantic relationship being the catalyst for her despair and indulgence in escapism. I agree with the inferred subject being a relationship, but I have always felt the relationship to be between a person’s inner and outer being. In reading the lyrics, I feel this song tells a story of the higher self, the part of us who comforts and keeps us hopeful, trying to break free from the hurt, pain, and confusion its other part is living.

Being away from the feeling of love which resides in us all, I believe, hurts and produces the mental darkness many experience. This song, I feel, is a representation of that. Even if it is about a relationship between two people, the need is the same. We all desire to experience love, for ourselves and from others. When that desire goes unfulfilled, for some, it can be traumatic.

What I have learned for myself is that self-love is the essence of what we are and what we are here to experience. This life is about you through how you feel about yourself  and how that dictates the way you relate to others.

That’s it. I’m not going to talk any more.

I know this is not following writer’s etiquette, but I don’t care. I’ll let the lyrics piece together the rest of the message.

In no way am I making light of suicide or any of the conditions which make it an option.I sincerely empathize because of my shared experience of struggle with thoughts that send you down a dark spiral.Also, I do not pass judgment. I make it a practice to be accepting of other people’s choices. No one but that person knows what he/she desires to experience in this life.

If you have made it to this end, I thank you for taking the time to stay with it.

[Pink]
[Verse 1]
I’m lying here on the floor where you left me
I think I took too much
I’m crying here, what have you done
I thought it would be fun
I can’t stay on your life support
There’s a Shortage in the switch
I can’t stay on your morphine
Cause it’s making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again
But shes being a little bitch
I think I’ll get outta here, where I can

[Chorus]
Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you’re just like a pill
Instead of making me better
You keep making me ill
You keep making me ill

[Verse 2]
I haven’t moved from the spot where you left me
This must be a bad trip
All of the other pills
They were different
Maybe I should get some help
I can’t stay on your life support
There’s a shortage in the switch
I can’t stay on your morphine
Cause it’s making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again
But she’s being a little bitch
I think I’ll get outta here, where I can

[Chorus]

Lyrics to Just Like A Pill copied from Genius.com

[Here is a link to Linkin Park’s lyrics reflecting the lead singer’s internal struggle]

Inspired by The Daily Prompt Word: Lollipop

 

DEAR READER: WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, YOUR MOTHER?

So I am peaceably having a grand old time yukking it up with the cool people of WordPress when my Sun comes to me to complain about The Moon.

Great. Just Great. I’m in my flow, and these two entities come in disrupting all of that. I peel my eyes away from the computer screen and ask,

“What’s the problem?”

“I don’t know what to do about The Moon.”

“What do you mean?” Oh, God, now what? There’s always something up with this kid. I take a deep breath, preparing for a lengthy interaction. “What’s he doing?”

“How long does he want me to play with him?”

“Huh?” I’m thinking, What the hell? Why is my life being interrupted for this? 

“I’m playing with The Moon, and I want to know for how long?”

She’s standing there looking at me with an air of expectancy, knowing I’m going to give her an answer because I’m supposed to. This child has a mouth, I don’t know why she doesn’t want to use it on him.

I’ll tell you why.

He is a terror when he’s feeling all hurt and neglected and hating his life. Not my interpretation, he tells it himself. This is The Moon’s dramatic perception of how his family treats him.

“How should I know? Why are you asking me? I didn’t tell you to play with him. YOU ask him that question.”

The Sun is ALWAYS working an angle for me to be her mouth piece. And yet, refuses to listen to the words which exit this same mouth when it’s speaking to her about questions she’s asked about or when I am giving her guidance after she’s come to me wanting me to tell her about how she feels when she’s unable to articulate.

Of course, by now The Moon gallops into the room and sits down to listen in. I’m looking at him thinking, This kid. I so don’t want to deal with this and/or him today. I look at The Sun and see the same expression on her face. She doesn’t want to deal with his annoying behind either.

The nerve! The both of them are hanging around waiting for me to get my Solomon sword out and cut the damn baby in half. Ain’t this some shit. I’m here just minding my business, and now I’m in the middle of something that, for once, I did not force them into.

“What? Don’t look at me. You all came in here into my space. This is for you to work out not me. What do I look like, your mother?”

The Sun huffs indignantly and says,

“Well, yeah!”

And I say,

“Not today, I’m not.” “Bye!” “Go away!”

nf-badge-1linerweds-2017

Inspired by Linda G. Hill’s One Liner Wednesday

BEING FLESHY ABOUT MY FLESH

*BEING FLESHY ABOUT MY FLESH*

WHAT IS THIS THING I AM IN? WHAT IS THIS DRAG?
YES.
DRAG IT CAN BE AND IS
RIGHT NOW.

I AM SHOUTING FOR SOMEONE TO HEAR.
WHY MUST I BE IN THIS SKIN THAT I AM IN?

BODY THEY CALL IT.
PLEASE.
EVEN THE NOMENCLATURE SOUNDS OFFENSIVE…
B-ODD-DEE.

IT’S “ODD” ALRIGHT.
ONE SIDE IS BIGGER THAN THE OTHER,
IT STRETCHES VERY EASILY
BUT YOU HAVE TO BUST YOUR ASS TO SHRINK IT,

THERE’S TWO OF THE ‘NON-ESSENTIAL’ PARTS BUT THE PARTS WHICH DO MOST OF THE HEAVY LIFTING, THERE’S ONLY ONE AND A FATALITY FOR YOU IF YOU MESS IT UP.

WHAT’S THE POINT OF GETTING FAT AS YOU GET OLDER?

WHY IS THE ASSUMPTION I WOULD WANT TO SLOW DOWN AFTER PROCREATION?

HMPH!

BODY.

NOT FEELING HOW MUCH I’M FEELING YOU RIGHT NOW.

ALL IN MY EMOTIONS…

I’M HUNGRY.

DAMN YOU!!

Inspired by Daily Prompt Word: Disastrous

P.S. This is an oldie and goodie for me. I had forgotten all about it.

 

 

A STORM OF DRUM BEATS

Twittering Tale #41 – 18 July 2017

Photo copied from Kat: “Like Mercury Colliding” blog

Stacatto
Percussion on the shield
Wind crashed drops
Smashing on the high-hat
Slap tap on tires round
Skin on conga
Passing storm
Sheila E.

P.S. – This woman gives me chills!! Props to Tito Puente and Pete Escovedo, always, but Ms. E is a tropical storm unlike any other! I hope you enjoy watching her as much or even more than I do!

IMAGINE DRAGONS EVOLVE(D) YESTERDAY

Ok, so there’s this cool thing called Manic Monday Challenge. The song title chosen for this week is Imagine by John Lennon. I know! Great song, right?!

I was thinking and thinking and thinking and kept hitting a wall. I seriously thought I would have to bow out of this one. Then, I got smacked over the head with an image. This:

Screenshot_2017-07-17-19-14-34
Artists: Imagine Dragons- Evolve

Ok, so how remarkable and serendipitous of me to 1, use music for this music prompt (I said serendipitous, not original) and 2, use another John Lennon lyrical masterpiece to go along with it!

The name of the band is Imagine Dragons, and the track I chose to share from their album was called Yesterday.

Get it?!!! Yesterday, sung by The Beatles and co-written by Mr. Lennon for the Beatles. You gotta give it to me. Come on!

I chose this track because of the powerful lyrics. Another reason why this choice is so touched by an angel is that this group is as prolific with lyrical spiritualism as John Lennon was in his solo career as well as with The Beatles. Although most of John Lennon’s focus is surrounding the brotherhood of man, Imagine Dragons’ message throughout their music is about self-awareness and personal growth.

I wish I could have shared the song with you, but unfortunately, this track is not one of the released singles. The album is available for purchase and streaming. I’m not familiar with how to share file snippets yet otherwise, I would have something for you to listen to. No one has posted the music for this song yet on YouTube, only lyrics. You’ll only be able to listen to if you have access to a paid music subscription or purchased the track. I already planned to copy the lyrics here, and it would have been great to have the music to go along with it.

Artist: IMAGINE DRAGONS

Album: EVOLVE

Song Title: YESTERDAY

Written By: Ben McKee, Daniel Platzman, Dan Reynolds, Wayne Sermon, Alex da Kid, Jayson DeZuzio

[Chorus]*
Here’s to my future
Here’s to my yesterday
Here’s to change

Oh, here’s to my yesterday
No tomorrow without a yesterday

Here’s to my future
Goodbye to yesterday

[Verse 1]
All these years I’ve been searching
For who I’m supposed to be
All that time I’ve been wasting
‘Cause I was right in front of me
Oh, it’s a crooked old tradition
By a masterful magician
But in all this trouble I’ve met
I haven’t got one single regret, no

[Chorus]
Here’s to my future
Here’s to my yesterday
Here’s to change
Oh, here’s to my yesterday
No tomorrow without a yesterday
Here’s to my future
Goodbye to yesterday

Yesterday

[Chorus]
Here’s to my future
Here’s to my yesterday
Here’s to change
Oh, here’s to my yesterday
No tomorrow without a yesterday
Here’s to my future
Goodbye to yesterday

Yesterday

[Bridge]
A new day, you can go
You can do anything you wanna

It’s your play, swing low
Go high anywhere you wanna
You can reach for the moon
Anywhere your dreams could take you
Go astray, fade away
Just leave it to yesterday

[Chorus]
Here’s to my future
Here’s to my yesterday
Here’s to change
Oh, here’s to my yesterday
No tomorrow without a yesterday
Here’s to my future
Goodbye to yesterday

Yesterday

(Colored underlined text also links to the same URL.)

DEAR READER: EARLY MORNINGS, INCENSE AND COFFEE

I am pampered. I soothe and salve myself on a daily basis. My mornings are busy with a sole intent, “You betta start this day right, bitch!”  Yeah, feeling a bit feisty today. Usually, it goes a little bit more of the “Let’s have a really good day today. Not just one moment, but a drumline succession of happy moments. You deserve that” type of verbiage. Smiles on all (pointing around the room) y’all faces from that one, right? Yeah, I know, me too.

So every morning, most mornings, no matter how late I have gone to bed, (I am usually up late cause once the sun and the moon have gone to bed, HOLY SANCTUARY! The skies have cleared, and the seas have parted – it’s uber relaxation time for mommy! I digress. I shall continue) I make it a goal to wake up as early as possible before anyone to have my morning meditation.

Early mornings, incense and coffee (on a warmer- such an important part of this scenario).

I live in the city fifteen stories above ground. You would think that most of the noise gets muffled on the way up. Not in this place. The sound carries like a cat in heat. By the way, you can literally hear a stray cat in heat or in a fight with something from up here. You can even hear an argument or peaceably heated exchange between two individuals at 2 am as well. From down the block. Please note the sarcasm.

Anyway, back to meditation.

So when I say I make it my business to get up early before everyone else does, I mean everybody, as in everybody in the neigh-bor-hood. This highrise was not built by Bose. Between the hours of 3 pm and 3 am are the most rambunctious during the spring/summer months. During winter, it’s much quieter outdoors, but a bit more stir crazy indoors (don’t ask).

Since this is summer, between 3 and 7 in the morning, life around here, from my 15th floor pov, is delicious. You can hear the birds chirping, the leaves rustling from a slight breeze, the air is cool, and the view is to exhale for.

20170424_061406
Photo by Me

 

We have a room facing East and two rooms facing West. Best of both celestial worlds.

I get up, do bathroom business, then get that cup of liquid matrix. Making the coffee is a delicate process. I have to make sure I am in high spirits before making the coffee otherwise it is an awful crap shoot hand when I am in the lab mixing my brew.

Once the caffeinated alchemistic process has been completed, I skip (the smell alone, guys) to my ‘vibration vortex’ and get lit. I’m talking incense, lots of it. Ever since we(my GodMother and I) bought this variety box, it’s been like a Snoop Dog cloud of smoky goodness up in heyah! 20170717_065725 As you can see, I light up three (magic alchemy number- yes, I love that word especially when talking about my ‘witchery-do’ type stuff) for potency. We used to burn sage, palo santo and aromatic oils on the regular but now, it’s the Year Of The Incense.  Every day has a different feel so the three which are chosen change.

I then sit, plug in and turn on the coffee warmer. Let me take a few to explain the importance of this warmer. Or do I? Am I preaching to the choir or do we have some wayward souls in the church in need of a little truth from The Bible of drinking coffee?

Let me take a few to explain the importance of this warmer. Or do I? Am I preaching to the choir or do we have some wayward souls in the church in need of a little truth from The Bible of drinking coffee?

I don’t like to be preachy, so I’ll pass. Hahaha.

So the coffee is on its throne,

20170717_065900
Yes, I drink hot coffee through a straw. Doesn’t everybody? 😇😂

incense is making the air just right, and the morning quiet is doing what it do.  I am in my space, and I feel around for what I would like to do. I have several tools. Depending on the vibe of the morning, the coffee concoction, either I will choose to read or write while listening to music or not.

This is quite an elaborate process for such a simple set up. I love that there is such a careful and lengthy process in place for moments which may have the duration of hours or just a few minutes. I love it because once I am in it, the energy is saturated with loving care and well-being. It has taken me some growth to get it to level it is at this time, and I am excited for its continued journey of evolution. Will the components stay, change or multiply? Which desires will I grow into to facilitate the eventual transformation of this process?

I do have two desires to manifest resting in my thoughts already. One, swap out this apartment for a house with the most fantastic kitchen and back yard ever! And two, locate kids somewhere far away in their own rooms. Let them take forever to find me in the mornings. Please!

How about that for a near perfect script for my early mornings, incense and coffee?

You understand, right? I know you do!

bitmoji1828425313

 

DEAR READER: THE NAME GAME UPDATE

Are you all excited?!!

I sure am!

First, thank you so much for your excellent suggestions. I have saved them as potential titles for future poems. I enjoyed discovering your interpretations based on your examples.

Next, my favorite part of this venture was our interactions and the sense of community. It was a first time experience for me, and I am happy it was with you.

Last, the title I chose is a modification of a three title mash-up from Dirty Little Daydreams, Sauce Box and A Journey Through A Woman’s Heart.

Thank you to everyone else who participated:

There will be an open bar naming ceremony, and celebration at X Marks The Spot Resort and Club this weekend. All are welcome.

HAHAHA!

 

DELIVERANCE

Low feeling vibrations got me
Bumbling my thoughts
Walking a tightrope
Don’t want to look
Cause I know
The fall down
So familiar 
It’s measurements calculated
Impact ingrained
I need a bar for balance
Timing essential for each step
Quick, quick, balance
Quick, quick, balance
I search for better feelings
I catch them as breath
Inhale deep
Letting them warm me through
I am steadied
More breath
Lungs filled, heart warm
I love again, I’m light again
I float my way back up

via Daily Prompt: Bumble

8-Year-Old Man

This commentary is some funny shit!

I love it!

In the words of one of our most insightful poets:

I think that day was a good day!!

Sauce Box

When you were a little kid, did you ever just wish you could get behind the wheel of a car and drive to wherever you wanted to go? Did you long to be able to take off, not needing your parent’s approval or permission,and head down to your favorite toy store or Fast-food restaurant? I’m sure all of us felt that way at some point in our childhoods. But of course, we could never make that far off dream a reality, as we all would have to wait many years to finally be able to drive a vehicle. All of us except one 8-year-old boy from Ohio.

According to a news article I recently read, this 8-year-old boy I’m referring to, drove his dad’s carover a mile to the nearest McDonald’s to get his sister some food.How did he learn to drive you ask?

YouTube, of course. Where else?

Apparently…

View original post 407 more words

DEAR READER: THE NAME GAME

Hey, Fam!

I gave birth to a bastard poem!

I have no clue what to name this child.

Would you mind helping me out?  In the comment section, let me know what you feel I should name it.

Thanks!

BENEATH THE SURFACE (NO MORE RUNNING)*

*Formally known as “Untitled”

large1
Photographer Unknown: Google Search Image

i run so hard and so fast
my feet work to bury that which is wanted
my dark mind places fear in front of me
as the dangling carrot for me to eat
fueling me on to trample and crush
pushing all wishes and dreams down into the earth’s core
as to send it back to its unevolved form
my knowing sees it all and smiles with love
as she watches she prepares for the harvest to come
she has already tasted the sweetness of its nourishment and vitality
as i run and i run
my (third) eye has cataracted from the vision painted by opaque thoughts and fearful whisperings
i do not see nor feel what is beneath my feet
plush plump and mineral soaked moist earth is tilled with every step
as I run and I run wanting to bury and seal that which I distance from
my spirit has placed me on a fertile ground on which to do the work towards abundance and joy
through the milky veil of my fear i see not how beautiful this darkness is
the seeds of what i desire to be are buried deep down passing through my soul into the soil beneath my feet
i am farming my land
harvest will arrive soon with clarity’s sun and rain
as i continue to run i will no longer feel dirt but the growth which has surrounded me stretching to the sky shielding me on all sides making a pathway for me to walk
and no longer run

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Photo Search: www.wheat&wildflower.tumblr.com

Inspired via Daily Prompt: Bury

Faces Of India — Edge of Humanity Magazine

Every morning I do my best to look at something beautiful to create a good feeling day for myself. Today, this was in my reader and as I beheld these photos, I did not breathe until I reached back up to the top of the post. Thank you, Edge of Humanity Magazine for sharing this creative’s expression. Today is going to be a great day! Now, I celebrate with a cup’o Joe!!

Director, Documentary and Portrait Photographer Amogh Pant is the Edge of Humanity Magazine contributor of this portrait photography. These images are from his project ‘Faces of Mumbai and Beyond‘. To see Amogh’s albums click on any image. See also: Gallery of Photographs By Amogh […]

via Faces Of India — Edge of Humanity Magazine

SOUL LICK

#SoCS July 8/17 – “ick”

I become sick with need as you lick me where my seed of desire grows.

Panting, short of breath, hot like a flame nestled on a wick, I never knew looking into your eyes would be so fantastic!

As we stare, making out with each other’s souls, my mind becomes slick with many a variety of trick to flip on you when we are finally naked and alone.

#SoCS July 8/17

Khamoshiyan-Hindi Film 2015
Khamoshiyan (2015 Hindi Film)

DEAR READER: WHEN UNWANTED COMPANY ARRIVES

 

1833-sneaking-a-peek-fendi-1796-1842uspd-artist-lifecommons-wikimedia-org
Sneaking A Peek – Peter Fendi

 

In today’s reflection, I think about this present moment, where I am now, how much I’ve grown. There are some thoughts and beliefs which still tether me to who I used to be. I cringe at their attention seeking behavior. I feel myself in a most peaceful space, but there are moments when a metaphorical dry fuck happens, and the intrusion is hard for me to stomach. As offensive as this experience is, I remind myself that these ‘visitors’ once were permanent residents. Self-doubt, Confusion, Undeserving, Fear, Lack, Blame and some others which I am unable to recall anymore, were most welcomed because logic was skilled at convincing me of their validity.

These old familiars have come knocking recently, and I admit to opening the door, giving permission for them to state their case. Although logic will always be part of my humanity, it has been like a protruding mole on my face which cannot be unseen, hidden or removed. I would be worse off in the removal than the keeping of it.

Logic keeps each case active and viable. I used to embrace and nurture these thoughts and beliefs because it gave me a purpose to do so. I used my logic to justify the presence of such a mindscape. It all makes sense, right?, I would say every time each one sat with me like a Jehovah’s Witness, convincing me of their god. What was apparent to me through my mind, without an ounce of doubt, was the condition of my reality. According to the false wisdom of my then mantra, as long as there is clarity, then it has a right to exist.

I’ve since learned that clarity of such unpleasant feelings does not equal squatters rights. I didn’t feel to be myself when I supported and nurtured them then, and I still don’t now. To even spend a few seconds of keeping them close to me makes me feel to want to crawl out of my skin. Thankfully, the difference now is I know myself to be the landlord and not a tenant. I can change things to be as I want them to be. Those unpleasant squatters can be kicked out and replaced with more uplifting and profitable tenants.

And yet, I still entertain the knock and listen to the rhetoric.

Why? Well, I believe it to be that although they have been replaced, they are still part of my experience; they will walk with me for eternity, to be accepted and disregarded for a variety of experiences, tools used for growth and understanding of self.

So, dear readers, I treat these unwanted visitors as holiday family gatherings and reunions, I try to grin and bear it. I put my love shield on and brace for impact. I know what to expect because these thoughts and feelings are not of me, they are for me; they are not here for their own growth, they are here as tools for mine.

via Daily Prompt: Tether

 

DIVORCE

This last sheet of paper in my hand holds the weight of its purpose. All the others before it which served to make the specifics known and the path unambiguous are now pointing to this one.

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Image Credit: Dreamstime.com

This space in front of me has authored my emancipation. Freely it has given of itself to pardon my condemned sentencing of a loveless life and a shackled spirit. This paper lays bare all my desires, components of who I want to be.

Effortlessly the journey is mapped out, stretched across the borders of this space yet, boundless with possibilities.

I move forward, signing in agreement, pledging co-creation and, daring to be authentically, unapologetically, me.

butterflies-meditation-art-possibilities-by-sue-halstenberg
“Possibilities Meditation” art by Sue Halstenberg

 

via Daily Prompt: Paper

DEAR READER: BLUE BALLS, ANYONE?

Yeah, we all know what that is. Right?Blue Balls

Yup. Got a case of it right about…ALWAYS!!!! I’ve got two kids, and they are constant reminders of what I was doing for them to be here…

I was having sex.

Not very satisfying sex, but I was still feeling the tingles and stirrings of healthy, productive, doing-what-they’re-supposed-to-do body parts. When I think back to the conception of these two, I chuckle every time because the recollection involves me liken to a feline in heat and the attacking of their sperm donor. Those experiences will always support my belief that it is imperative for us to be in this life together as a family because, before those two, my sex life was practically nonexistent.

“Dear Readers: I was shy. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it”.

I don’t date. I choose not to because I’m not a fan of all the footwork which goes into that. I’m so lazy when it comes to searching for the most contextual Mr for me and my life. “Searching” is what keeps me indoors. I’m not inspired to go out, put myself on display at some function or someplace where singles mingle, for the sole purpose of catching some dude’s eye.
Aforementioned “dude” can observe all this deliciousness when I happen to be out doing stuff which adds a bit more to my life, like running errands for my family or enjoying a walk. I’ve tried online dating, didn’t like it. Why? Because I was doing the whole companion hunting thing for all the wrong reasons.

Once I swallowed that bitter truth, I stopped.

After taking a nose dive down the rabbit hole and spending some time in self-evaluation, I, like Alice, took a bite of the big girl biscuit and transported myself out of Wonderland. I then took a trip to Emerald City where I discovered myself as The Wizard and gifted myself a few things.

Love, appreciation, and worthiness of Self. Well! I became this whole new bitch, and I started to feel another something which blew my mind. Self-lust (is there an M.D. or a Ph.D. word for that?). Yes, I am seriously attracted to myself. No, not crazy talk or narcissism. I am a beauteous, sensuous, intelligent, kick-ass goddess who is becoming stronger in her self-awareness every moment, and I’ve got to say, that’s some sexy shit!

Which, brings me to my point. Through all this growth, I’ve learned about what truly turns me on. It’s not, at the root, from what I can see, hear, taste, or touch. It’s about vibrations and stimulation of my cerebral, none of which I associated with my sexual experience before.

My sexual frustration is not due to the lack of physical intercourse, more so the lack of intellectual intercourse.

My body receives CPR from my brain. No news flash here for some, I know. I am well aware of the many communications out there which inform that your biggest sex organ is your brain. For me, I just never linked the two to work for my arousal to get things started. My experience has been my brain at fault for me losing arousal; I talked a lot in my head when I was supposed to be fucking. Serious mood killer.

“Dear Reader: This is denial speaking. If anyone asks, I was a shy girl who lacked sexual experience and felt incompetent. If they don’t buy that, tell them the guy was horrible and didn’t know what he was doing.”

So, since I’ve come to be acquainted with my authentic self, I have embraced that I am aroused by intellectually stimulating conversations. Not that type of intellectual which regurgitates info like Siri, I mean the intellectual who has substance and openness behind their smarts. Those who acquire information for the sake of just knowing shit and who create fun in the processing and expansion of their knowledge through conversation. That’s the kind of Mr who I wet my drawers for.

Tell me what you know, let us talk about it and discover how our two perspectives can alchemize a new one. I have an affinity for learning new things, and I love to listen to someone talk about what they know. I like it. I find it to be very titillating. That is how I desire an attraction between The Mr and me.

But, alas I haven’t had much of that as of late.

I do have stimulating adult conversations with family and friends, but what I am referring to, is getting my flirt on through my brain cells. Talking with a Mr who has thought-provoking things to say, who will cause me to pause and check myself every so often, a Mr who will have me looking shit up after we’ve done talking.

I have a very speculative mind. I don’t pursue every inquisitive thought because there are so many; I don’t favor my brain exploding. So I desire the interactions of two who are excited to share their curiosities with one another.

As my pal, Kermit once sang, “Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection. The lovers, the dreamers, and me.”

Yeah, I guess I’ll stay on high alert, code blue until The Mr comes along sporting a defibrillator.

 

I AM LIKE THE WILLOW TREE

I am like the willow tree

Thick rooted and quite a sight to see

Long are my roots thick and sure

Deeply nestled into the earth’s core

My leaves and branches are bountiful

Full of grace

Releasing sweet smells as those curtains lean down

Creating a sacred space

Wispering Willow Tree Boston Public Garden
Copyright Kim Seng – captainkimo.com

 

I am like the willow tree

Wise in my silence

Long lasting and sure

Guaranteed to always find solace

Peace restored

A constant companion for mother earth am I

Together we stand watch

We laugh

We cry

I am like the willow tree

I am the richness and bounty of nature divine

I am like the willow tree

So tall

So beautiful

So strong

And oh so fine

°°

I dedicate this poem to the love of self. Whatever your eye beholds and finds pleasure, let that be how you feel about yourself.

Let nature be your measure instead of others.

DEAR READER: WHEN MINIMALISM IS DOING TOO MUCH

Today, my desire to do nothing has it’s own desire to do nothing. I have surrendered to flowing into this moment and allowing the nothingness to have its place. Now all would be copasetic if my mind would be less resistant; she’s the type to bring a plug-in hairdryer camping. The following is her in action.

So, today we do nothing. Nothing. Do nothing how? Do nothing of what we normally do and replace it with something different, or are we to not participate in any activity, old or new? Does this qualify to thoughts only, or just deeds? Where are we to do nothing, which room are we to place ourselves? Technically, you know, it is not really possible to do nothing. That would mean our body would have to stop all function, and I don’t believe we’re ready for that. 

Oh. My. Fucking. God!!!

This shit!

I mean, I love me, I really do, and this type of accounting comes in handy and is fully appreciated when the experience is in great need for it. But, this rhetoric is way too extra for something which is quite simple. This is why I keep reminding myself as well as others, that growth is constant and multi-dimensional, composed of various depths and degrees. When you choose personal growth, know that no part of the whole which is you is fixed. Those pieces will always require adjustment; nothing is truly locked in like a jigsaw.

So I respond, as a parent would to an insolent child (I am and have – I am well practiced) by making a decision instead of engaging and indulging such complexity. I sat my ass down in my living room and chose one of my ‘get focus to get lifted’ tools: chill’n with Netflix (or was it Amazon?). I enjoy watching movies full of more stuff than what’s in my head. I usually choose horror films, they amuse me and stop the chatter.

I love my “Ooh, squirrel!” moments. This wasn’t always so; there was a time when a distraction from my thoughts before I felt resolution, brought a significant amount irritation. I didn’t know how else to be, peace of mind was the constant chatter, not silence.

Glad I made the switch. Sometimes, that bitch (my mind) needs to shut the fuck up (said with love, of course 💓).

close-noir-prints
Close by Christophe Louis Quibe

 

DEAR READER: PIMP’N AIN’T EASY

Life is good.

I want more, though (I’m working on it…)

Have you ever felt stagnant because your current now is filled with appreciations and very few complaints? This is where I am. I’ve been trying to have conversations with my inner being to find out “what now,” or as the title of my blog says, “Now What?”, and…

I come up with nada.

How is that possible when everything is gravy and a desire for more sounds quite enticing? Do I want more? Hells, yeah!! I want plenty more. So, why is it I am unable to work this imagination like a high-class hoe? I’ve offered her continuous work, but she doesn’t want to work for me.

Go figure.

I feel as though my body has been operating under the constitution of my brain with little to no amendments from the heart, from my spirit. Practicality keeps doing The James Brown on my desires; “Say it loud, I’m practical and proud”!

Oh, brother (cue eye-roll).

Not sure when salvation will kick in.  Until then, I wait.  Patience seems to be a happy hooker for me – I’ll have to give her a raise.

😉

 

HUNGER

Picture via PinsDaddy.com i no longer want to feed this minimalism my belly is tapped by a worm of futility each time I open my mouth to ingest my knowing of self fear regenerates itself after every swallow

FLOW

How easily you flow through me You lay full and spread out over my tongue Slipping out with each breath I feel you filled up in my heart You nestle there Stored up from respite now ready to dispense One by one they come to receive … Continue reading FLOW